~~ Bar Jokes 12

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1. We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
2. I ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese. SOME people call it a pizza!
3. Why can’t you trust an atom?
   Because they make up everything.
4. Q:  What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette?
   A:  They’re harmless, unless you stick ’em in your mouth and light them on fire.
5. Q:  What do you call a fish with no eyes?
   A:  A fsh
6. There’s two whales in a bar, one says *whale sounds*
   The other says “You need to go home you’re drunk.”
7. Q:  What do you call a dead polar bear?
   A:  Whatever you want, he can’t hear you
8. The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless and ageless.
9. Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
10. Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

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