<\/p>\n
One Sunday, Pastor Andrew played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. \u201cYou\u2019re going to let him get away with this, God?\u201d
\nThe Lord shook his head.
\nThe minister took his first shot. The ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped right onto the green.\u00a0 A squirrel came out and grabbed the ball, then a hawk came and grabbed the squirrel.\u00a0 Frightened the squirrel dropped the ball and it went into the cup for a hole in one. St. Peter was outraged. \u201cI thought you were going to punish him!\u201d
\nThe Lord shrugged. \u201cWho\u2019s he going to tell?\u201d
\nRD Issue: January 2008<\/p>\n
If Dracula can\u2019t see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed? \u2014Steven Wright
\nRD Issue: January 2008<\/p>\n
I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn\u2019t help matters when the admitting nurse absent-mindedly asked me, \u201cHave you had a hysterectomy before?\u201d \u2014Terry Wisener
\nRD Issue: January 2007<\/p>\n
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.
\nOne of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy\u2019s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.
\nWithout a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.
\n\u201cNot much of a man, was he?\u201d says one of the bikers.
\n\u201cNot much of a driver, either,\u201d says the waitress. \u201cHe just backed his truck over three motorcycles.\u201d
\nRD Issue: April 2008<\/p>\n
As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door. \u201cMy Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined!\u201d he screams.
\nA police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you,\u201d he says. \u201cYou\u2019re so focused on your possessions that you didn\u2019t even realize your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you.\u201d
\nThe hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. \u201cOh, no!\u201d he cries. \u201cMy Rolex!\u201d
\nRD Issue: February 2018<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Foregone conclusion One Sunday, Pastor Andrew played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. \u201cYou\u2019re going to let him get away with this, God?\u201d The Lord shook his head. The minister took his first shot. The ball soared …