{"id":17399,"date":"2023-09-09T16:20:31","date_gmt":"2023-09-09T16:20:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/?p=17399"},"modified":"2025-10-25T22:17:15","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T22:17:15","slug":"bar-jokes-16","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/bar-jokes-16\/","title":{"rendered":"~~ Bar Jokes 16"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why can\u2019t you trust an atom?<\/span>
\nBecause they make up everything.<\/span><\/p>\n

What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette?<\/span>
\n(Pause)<\/span>
\nThey\u2019re harmless, unless you stick \u2019em in your mouth and light them on fire. \u2013<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a fish with no eyes?<\/span>
\nA FSH<\/span><\/p>\n

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn\u2019t make a decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, \u201cClose enough.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I\u2019ve ever done.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?<\/span><\/p>\n

I hate it when I can\u2019t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He\u2019s 5 and it\u2019s past his bedtime.<\/span><\/p>\n

Today\u2019s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?<\/span><\/p>\n

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?<\/span><\/p>\n

Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.<\/span><\/p>\n

“On time” is when you get there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid \u2013 but it sure does muffle the sound.<\/span><\/p>\n

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free…and three sizes smaller.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lately you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.<\/span><\/p>\n

“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why can\u2019t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything. What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette? (Pause) They\u2019re harmless, unless you stick \u2019em in your mouth and light them on fire. \u2013 What do you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH Be decisive. … CLICK TO VIEW SONG~~ Bar Jokes 16<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bar-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17399"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17399\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}