{"id":17189,"date":"2023-09-03T22:45:23","date_gmt":"2023-09-03T22:45:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/?p=17189"},"modified":"2026-02-18T23:23:10","modified_gmt":"2026-02-18T23:23:10","slug":"bad-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/bad-jokes\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/code><\/p>\n

\"Bad Jokes\"\r\n<\/span>By Garrison Keillor; Performed by Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly\r\n<\/span>from \"Prarie Home Companion\"\r\n<\/span> \r\nRecommended:  Skip some verses; do a different batch each time to keep it fresh.  There are 18 verses here!\r\n<\/span>Playing with family?  Use the ratings to guide you.\r\n<\/span>* ratedG = safe for all, nothing worse than potty humor (5 total)\r\n<\/span>* ratedPG = suggestive but okay for older kids (5 total)\r\n<\/span>* ratedPG-13 = teenagers and up, depending on your views (6 total)\r\n<\/span>* ratedR = sexually explicit (3 total)\r\n<\/span>The lyrics here mix the film version with the official Keillor version to include all possible jokes.\r\n<\/span>Song is in D with a classic I-Iv-V blues pattern; commentary and banter between performers happens\r\n<\/span>while holding a D chord.  Feel the rhythm of the first verse to get the chords for subsequent verses.\r\n<\/span> \r\n[Intro]\r\n<\/span>D    D\/c  G\/B   Bb7   [x2]\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>    G<\/span>    A7<\/span>    D<\/span>\r\n<\/span> \r\n[Verse 1]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                      G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The blind man's seeing eye dog\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                         A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Pissed on the blind man's shoe.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>So the blind man said, \"Here, Rover,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>                         D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Here's a chunk of beef for you.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And his wife said, \"Don't reward him\r\n<\/span><\/span>    D<\/span>              A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>For peeing on you, dear.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>   D<\/span>                    G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He said, \"I'm trying to find out where's his mouth\r\n<\/span><\/span>         A7<\/span>              D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>So I can kick him in the rear.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 2]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You got one Dusty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I got one Lefty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Let's hear it.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\nD<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>When God created Woman\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>She had not two breasts but three\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And the middle one got in the way\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>So God performed surgery.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And Woman stood in front of God\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>With the middle breast in her hand\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>She said, \"What can we do with the useless boob?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And God created Man.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love \u00e2\u0080\u0098em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of \u00e2\u0080\u0098em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 3]\r\n<\/span>(ratedR)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I turned eighty the other day\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And everybody was there\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And I was dressed up in a suit\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Sitting in my wheelchair\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>When a beautiful young naked woman\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Stood up in front of the group.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>She offered me some super sex\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And I said, \"I'll take the soup.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Death and sex and such bad taste,\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Someone oughta slap my face\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 4]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You ready for another one?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Yea, lay it on me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\nD<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ollie went to the neighborhood dance\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And he won the big door prize\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>It was a toilet brush and he took it home\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And the next week one of the guys\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Said, \"Ollie's, how's that toilet brush?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The one you got from the neighbors?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And Ollie said, \"Oh, it works pretty good.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But I think I'd rather use paper.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You know the reason that farts smell\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Is so deaf people can enjoy 'em as well\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 5]\r\n<\/span>(ratedR)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The farmer had a champion bull\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Who bred two hundred times a year.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The farmer's wife said, \"Two hundred times!\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Isn't that wonderful, dear?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Maybe you ought to watch him,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Maybe he'd show you how.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The farmer said, \"He's a heck of a bull\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But it wasn't all with the same cow.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Come on now.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 6]\r\n<\/span>(ratedG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>My mother turned 89\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And much to our surprise\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>She decided to get outdoors\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And started to exercise.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Mother walked ten miles a day\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And now she's 93.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Poor old mother, we don't know\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Where on earth she could be.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 7]\r\n<\/span>(ratedG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>A German shepherd walks into a bar\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And says \"Hey, I'm a talking dog.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I know other dogs do tricks,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But you ever hear one talk? I\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>How about a drink for a dog\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Who's articulate and erudite?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And the bartender said, \"Sure,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The toilet's there, first door on the right.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\nD<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Did you hear that Xerox and Wurlitzer are merging? They are going to manufacture a reproductive organ.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[verse 8]\r\n<\/span>(ratedG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Last night a man was murdered\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>It was clearly no accident.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>They found him in the bathtub\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Full of milk - two percent.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>There also were sliced bananas\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But this was the real chiller:\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>There were a hundred pounds of corn flakes.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>They think it was a cereal killer.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 9]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>A man walks into a restaurant\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>and he looks at the long menu\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And finally the waiter comes around\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And says, \"What can I do for you?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"How do you prepare your chickens?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Says the man. The waiter replies\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"We don't do anything special.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>We just tell 'em they're gonna die.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 10]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You gotta another one Dusty?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Actually I do.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You hear about the viagra shipment that got stolen?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>No, who they think did that?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Well they don't know,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But they are on the lookout for hardened criminals.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You got another one?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I got another one Lefty.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 11]\r\n<\/span>(ratedR)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Sven said to his friend, \"O, I think my wife died.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>His friend said, \"What do you mean you think?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"Well, the sex is still the same,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But the dishes are stacking up.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Bridge]\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Hey Dusty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>Yea Lefty.\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>No, I didn't.\r\n<\/span><\/span>Yea, it runs in your jeans.\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Heya, Lefty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Yea, go aheadin.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Why do they call it PMS?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>PMS, well I don't know why?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Mad cow was already taken.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Hey, Dusty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>Yea, Lefty.\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>What do you get when you cross Holy water with castor oil?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I don't know Lefty.  What do you get?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>A religious movement.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Heya, Hey, Lefty.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>What did the elephant say to the naked man?\r\n<\/span><\/span>What did he say?\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He said, \"It's cute,\r\n<\/span><\/span>But can you really breathe through that thing?\"\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Come on\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 12]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"Mr. Jones, I have to complain\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>About your ten-year old son.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He's playing doctor with my daughter.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Mr. Jones said, \"That's how it's done.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Kids explore sexuality.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I don't see what's the matter.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"Exploring sexuality, hell.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He took out her gall bladder.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 13]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>My daughter brought home a boyfriend\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>With great big ugly tattoos\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And long black greasy hair\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And Lord how he hit the booze.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I said, \"Darling, I'm sure he's nice,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>But something makes me nervous.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>She said, \"He's extremely nice..\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He's doing 500 hours of community service.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[verse 14]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>There was a man named Scraggs\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Bought two dozen condoms a week.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The drugstore clerk said nothing for months\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And finally she had to speak.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>What do you do with all those condoms?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>It's simple, said Mr. Scraggs.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I feed them to my poodle\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Now she poops in plastic bags.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 15]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>One morning, the devil came to church,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>In a burst of smoke and flame,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He ran up and down the aisle.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He said, \"Beelzebub is my name.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I am evil incarnate,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The object of all your fears!\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The old man said, \"You don't scare me at all,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Been married to your sister for 48 years.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 15]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Tommy went to confession,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He said, \"Forgive me for I have sinned.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Father Murphy said, \"With whom?\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Was it Megan or Marilyn?\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Was it Brenda, Fiona, or Kathy?\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Tommy just rattled his beads.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The priest gave him four Our Fathers\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And also five good leads.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 16]\r\n<\/span>(ratedPG-13)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Jim and John had to share a room\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>One night in a hotel.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Jim said, \"I snore so bad.\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I doubt you'll sleep that well.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>John kissed him on the cheek.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He said, \"Sweetheart, it's all right.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And Jim went and sat in a chair\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And stayed awake all night.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 17]\r\n<\/span>(ratedG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ole lay on his deathbed,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He knew he was going to die.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And then he smelled a beautiful smell\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Of Lena's rhubarb pie.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>He crept downstairs to the kitchen,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>There it was, he let out a moan.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Then Lena whacked him with a broom:\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>That's for the funeral. Leave it alone.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n[Verse 18]\r\n<\/span>(ratedG)\r\n<\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>\"Darling, you've always been with me.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>On life's long bumpy ride.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Through sickness, hair loss, bankruptcy,\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You've been here by my side.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>My heart attack and the house burning down\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                           A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>That night the lightning struck.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>                G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And liver cancer - and now suddenly\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>               D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>I'm starting to think that you're bad luck.\"\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\nD<\/span>\r\n<\/span>The nice thing about Alzheimer's, men,\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>You enjoy the same jokes again and again\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>And again and again and again!\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n{ CHORUS }\r\n<\/span>A7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love \u00e2\u0080\u0098em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of \u00e2\u0080\u0098em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\nA7<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>             G<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Ooo-oo-oooooo-wee\r\n<\/span><\/span>A7<\/span>            D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>BAD JOKES for me.\r\n<\/span><\/span>D<\/span>\r\n<\/span>Hey!\r\n<\/span><\/span> \r\n###\r\n<\/span><\/pre>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Bad Jokes” By Garrison Keillor; Performed by Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly from “Prarie Home Companion” Recommended: Skip some verses; do a different batch each time to keep it fresh. There are 18 verses here! Playing with family? Use the ratings to guide you. * ratedG = safe for … CLICK TO VIEW SONGBad Jokes<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[118],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hold"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17189"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29951,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17189\/revisions\/29951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}