{"id":15686,"date":"2023-05-06T15:31:13","date_gmt":"2023-05-06T15:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/?p=15686"},"modified":"2025-10-25T22:18:43","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T22:18:43","slug":"bar-jokes-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/bar-jokes-5\/","title":{"rendered":"~~ Bar Jokes 05"},"content":{"rendered":"

RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.<\/span>
    \nHe asks for one beer, and one for the road.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cPoor Old fool,\u201d thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.<\/span>
    \nSo he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he\u2019d humor the old man and asked, \u201cSo how many have you caught today?\u201d<\/span>
    \nThe old man replied, \u201cYou\u2019re the eighth one this afternoon\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the attractive girl at the end of the bar. \u201cUm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?\u201d<\/span>
    \nShe yells, \u201cNo, I won\u2019t sleep with you tonight, you pig!\u201d<\/span>
    \nEveryone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table, redfaced.<\/span>
    \nAfter a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I embarrassed you. I\u2019m a graduate student in psychology, and I\u2019m studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations.\u201d<\/span>
    \nTo which the guy responds as loudly as possible, \u201cWhat do you mean $200 for a Blow Job?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. There\u2019s a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.<\/span>
    \nSoon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.<\/span>
    \nThe poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, \u201cCome on man, I was just joking. Here, I\u2019ll buy you another drink. I just can\u2019t stand seeing a man crying.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cNo, it\u2019s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I\u2019m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cThe police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cAnd when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. A unicorn walks into a bar and asks for a beer.<\/span>
    \nThe bartender, quite surprised to see a unicorn in the bar says, \u201cThat will be $7.50; and by the way, we\u2019ve never seen a unicorn in here.\u201d<\/span>
    \nThe unicorn replies, \u201cAt $7.50 a beer, I can understand why.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. A cat walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. The bartender asks, \u201cAre you going to drink it, or just knock it over on purpose?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, we don\u2019t serve your kind in here.\u201d The mushrooms replies, \u201cWhy not? I\u2019m a fungi!\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. Three girls walked up to me saying they were too scared to walk in the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk with me. I told them: \u201cI understand. I used to be freaked out too when I was alive.\u201d<\/span>
    \nI\u2019ve never seen anyone run that fast!<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. \u201cWhat are you?\u201d asks the cat.<\/span>
    \n\u201cA gnome,\u201d comes the reply. \u201cI steal food from humans. I kill their plants and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?\u201d<\/span>
    \nThe cat replies, \u201cApparently, I\u2019m a gnome.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  10. A job applicant was asked, \u201cWhat would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cWell,\u201d he began, \u201cmy main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality\u2014telling what\u2019s real from what\u2019s not.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cOkay,\u201d said the interviewer. \u201cAnd what about your strengths?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cI\u2019m Batman.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks for one beer, and one for the road. \u201cPoor Old fool,\u201d thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. … CLICK TO VIEW SONG~~ Bar Jokes 05<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bar-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15686"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15686\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}