{"id":15682,"date":"2023-05-06T15:28:42","date_gmt":"2023-05-06T15:28:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/?p=15682"},"modified":"2025-10-25T22:18:56","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T22:18:56","slug":"bar-jokes-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/bar-jokes-3\/","title":{"rendered":"~~ Bar Jokes 03"},"content":{"rendered":"

RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. A bear walks into a bar and says, \u201cGive me a whiskey and \u2026 cola.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cWhy the big pause?\u201d asks Jesse.<\/span>
    \nThe bear shrugged. \u201cI\u2019m not sure; I was born with them.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.<\/span>
    \n\u201cI couldn\u2019t help noticing how happy you look,\u201d she said. \u201cWhat\u2019s your secret for a long, happy life?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cI smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,\u201d he said. \u201cI also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise.\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cThat\u2019s amazing,\u201d the woman said. \u201cHow old are you?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cThirty-six.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. The police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing over a lifeless man, holding a bent and twisted five-iron. The detective asks, \u201cIs that your husband?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cYes,\u201d replies the woman.<\/span>
    \n\u201cDid you hit him with the golf club?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cYes, I did,\u201d sobs the woman.<\/span>
    \n\u201cHow many times did you hit him?\u201d asks the detective.<\/span>
    \n\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d she replies. \u201cFive, six, maybe seven times. Oh look, just put me down for five.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. A wife asks her husband, \u201cHoney, if I died, would you remarry?\u201d\u201cAfter a considerable period of grieving,\u201d he says, \u201cI guess I would. We all need companionship.\u201d\u201dIf I died and you remarried,\u201d the wife asks, \u201cwould she live in this house?\u201d\u201dWe\u2019ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I guess so.\u201d\u201dIf I died and you remarried and she lived in this house,\u201d the wife asks, \u201cwould she sleep in our bed?\u201d\u201dWell, the bed is brand-new. It\u2019s going to last a long time. I guess she would.\u201d\u201cIf I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?\u201d\u201cOh, no,\u201d the husband replies. \u201cShe\u2019s left-handed.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. A husband texts his wife on a frosty winter morning:<\/span>
    \n\u201cWindow\u2019s frozen!\u201d<\/span>
    \nHis wife texts back, \u201cPour lukewarm water over it.\u201d<\/span>
    \nFive minutes later he replies: \u201cComputer completely messed up now.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. A distraught senior citizen dialed her doctor\u2019s office. \u201cIs it true,\u201d she wanted to know, \u201cthat the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?\u201d<\/span>
    \n\u201cYes, I\u2019m afraid so,\u201d said the doctor.<\/span>
    \nThere was a moment of silence before the woman replied, \u201cI\u2019m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked \u2018No Refills.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.<\/span>
    \n\u201cWhat are you complaining about?\u201d he fires back. \u201cYou still haven\u2019t used the present I gave you last year.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. I was staying in a hotel where the towels were so thick that I could hardly close my suitcase.<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. While going through his deceased father\u2019s things, a man found a 25-year-old claim stub for a shoe repair. Curious, he went to the store and handed the ticket to the owner, who headed to the back of the store before reappearing.<\/span>
    \n\u201cGood news,\u201d he said. \u201cI found them. They\u2019ll be ready next Friday.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  10. A guy walks into a dentist\u2019s office and says, \u201cI think I\u2019m a moth.\u201dThe dentist replies, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist\u2026\u201dThe guys replies, \u201cI am seeing a psychiatrist.\u201dThe dentist says, \u201cWell then what are you doing here?\u201d<\/span>
    \nAnd the guy says, \u201cYour light was on.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE A bear walks into a bar and says, \u201cGive me a whiskey and \u2026 cola.\u201d \u201cWhy the big pause?\u201d asks Jesse. The bear shrugged. \u201cI\u2019m not sure; I was born with them.\u201d A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair … CLICK TO VIEW SONG~~ Bar Jokes 03<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15682","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bar-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15682","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15682"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15682\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}