{"id":15676,"date":"2023-05-06T15:22:21","date_gmt":"2023-05-06T15:22:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/?p=15676"},"modified":"2025-10-25T22:15:36","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T22:15:36","slug":"bar-jokes-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/bar-jokes-1\/","title":{"rendered":"~~ Bar Jokes 01"},"content":{"rendered":"

RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. So I went to a bookshop and found a good joke book, to try and get some inspiration, or just plain steal a joke to use.<\/span>
    \nWhen I got home, I realized I\u2019d accidentally bought a thesaurus. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed\u2026 upset\u2026 disappointed\u2026 vexed\u2026 disconcerted.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, \u201cLet\u2019s go get a drink, there\u2019s this new place that does THE best punch you\u2019ll ever drink.\u201dSo they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender \u201cBartender, two glasses of your best punch please.\u201dThe bartender replies in a stern voice, \u201cIf you want some punch you\u2019re gonna have to get in line like everybody else.\u201dThe friends turn and look around but there was no punch line\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He\u2019s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.\u201cI think my friend is dead!\u201d he yells. \u201cWhat can I do?\u201dThe operator says, \u201cCalm down. First, let\u2019s make sure he\u2019s dead.\u201dThere\u2019s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, \u201cOK, now what?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the highway. Looking at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting.The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, \u201cPull over!\u201d\u201cNo!\u201d the woman yelled back, \u201cCardigan!\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Sad after the funeral of a friend, my wife and I ducked into a Chinese restaurant for a pick-me-up. The feel-good session ended when I read the fortune cookie: \u201cYou will soon be reunited with a good friend.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n
  6. A mom texts, \u201cHi! Son, what do IDK, LY and TTYL mean?\u201d He texts back, \u201cI don\u2019t know, love you and talk to you later.\u201d The mom replies, \u201cIt\u2019s OK, don\u2019t worry about it. I\u2019ll ask your sister. Love you too.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. \u201cInteresting fact: a shark will only attack you if you\u2019re wet.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads \u201cTalking Dog for Sale.\u201d Intrigued, he walks in.\u201cSo what have you done with your life?\u201d he asks the dog.\u201cI\u2019ve led a very full life,\u201d says the dog. \u201cI lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.\u201dThe guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog\u2019s owner, \u201cWhy on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?\u201d<\/span>
    \nThe owner says, \u201cBecause he\u2019s a liar! He never did any of that!\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, \u201cHow long have you been wearing that bra?\u201d The friend replies, \u201cEver since my wife found it in the glove compartment.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  10. For his birthday, an old man\u2019s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she\u2019s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, \u201cI\u2019m here to give you super sex.\u201dAfter thinking for a minute the old man replies, \u201cI guess I\u2019ll have the soup.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    RETURN TO BAR JOKE MAIN PAGE So I went to a bookshop and found a good joke book, to try and get some inspiration, or just plain steal a joke to use. When I got home, I realized I\u2019d accidentally bought a thesaurus. As you can understand, I was pretty … CLICK TO VIEW SONG~~ Bar Jokes 01<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bar-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15676","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15676"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15676\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertandrews.net\/songs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}