~~ Bar Jokes 02

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1. So Jerry Eddy came into Cahoots last night, and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say “nice shirt!” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and Jesse, the bartender. A few sips later the voice said “that’s a great haircut too“.
   At this, the Jerry called Jesse over and said “Hey…I must be losing my mind. I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”
   “It’s the peanuts,” Jesse told him . . . they’re complimentary.“
2. A visitor staggered out of Cahoots, after starting to drink early in the afternoon, and ran into Pastor Peggy. He went up to her and said, I’m Jesus Christ. Peggy replied. No, son, you are not Jesus Christ. So the drunk said again Look, I really am Jesus Christ.  Peggy replied. Trust me, you are not Jesus Christ.
   The drunk said, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the pastor. Jesse took one look at and exclaims, Jesus Christ, are you in here again?
3. A grasshopper walks into a bar and Marilyn said, ‘Hey, we have a drink named after you!’
   The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ‘You have a drink named Steve?’
4. A visitor walks into a bar with an alligator. “Do you serve lawyers in here?” the man inquires.
   “Sure do!” replied Jesse.
   “Great!” the man said. “I’ll have a Coors Light, and how ’bout a lawyer for my ‘gator.”
5. Courier, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
   “Get out!” shouts Jesse. “We don’t serve your type here
6. A neutron walks into a bar.
   “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
   Jesse replied “For you? No charge.”
7. Jesse said, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
   A time traveler walks into a bar.
8. A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder.
   The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. “Hey, that’s neat,” said Sandy. “Where did you get that?”
   “In France,” the kitty says, “they’ve got millions of them!”
9. George ran into the bar. Panting, he tells Jesse, “Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!”
   So Jesse sets them up and George knocks them all back in seconds.
   “Why are you drinking so fast?” asks Jesse.
   You’d drink fast too if you had what I have,” George replied.
   “Why, what do you have?” asks Jesse.
   “Only twelve cents.”
10. A visitor to Cahoots in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
    “That’s OK,” said Judy, “Those are just contractions.”

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