~~ Bar Jokes 18 – RD

Just desserts

Last Birthday Celebration in the Bistro, Cynthia admonished me. “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
I answered  “Why should it? I keep telling them it’s for you.”
—Selma Glasser, Good Housekeeping
RD Issue: March 1981

Boyfriend trouble

Our granddaughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They were appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
The daughter answered “Oh, please, Mom!  If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
—Maria Salmon
RD Issue: October 2008

Man overboard

When I first moved away from home, I went to New York with my girlfriend, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. We had both heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when we got home, we were really disappointed.
“Shucks.”  I said.  “It was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.”
“How come?” asked my friend. “Did the boat leak?”
I asked with amazement. “There’s a boat?”
—J.D. Theus
RD Issue: February 1960

Library line

In the Bistro Library, a new resident questioned the pretty volunteer librarian.
“Do you mean to say, that I may take out any book I want?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“And may I take out record albums, too?”
“Yes, you may.”
“And CDs and DVDs?“
“Yes sir”
“May I take you out?” he ventured.
She replied, “Sorry sir.  The librarians are for reference only.”
—Justine Valenti, Coronet
RD Issue: February 1960

Hunting camp

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
—Gerald Doka
RD Issue: June 2009