SALVATION ARMY SONG (TETON TEA PARTY SONG)

(author and composer unknown; learned in Cal Band at UC Berkeley in 1952;
-it became popular in the 1960s as a theme song for Teton Tea parties
-with many additional verses being written for it as shown below)

[TWO INTRO VERSES]
We're [C] coming, we're coming, our [G7] brave little [C] band,
On the [C] right side of temperance we [G7] do take our [C] stand.
We [G7] don't use [C] tobacco be-[G7]-cause we all think
That the [C] people who use it are [G7] likely to [C] drink.
 
   { CHORUS } - SING BETWEEN EVERY VERSE
   [C] Away, away with rum, by gum,
   With [G7] rum by gum with [C] rum, by gum.
   [C] Away, away with rum, by gum, 
   The [G7] song of the Salvation [C] Army.

Now we're all in the hands of the devil, you see.
He's trying to tempt you and to tempt me.
Now can you imagine the trap that we're in
When everything that we want leads us straight into sin?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....


SOMEONE PICK A NUMBER ONE THROUGH TEN
ONE - TWO - THREE - FOUR - FIVE - SIX - SEVEN - EIGHT - NINE - TEN
-

– [VERSE 1] – We never eat fruitcake because it has rum. And one little bit makes a man like a bum. Now can you imagine a sorrier sight Than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 1] – We never touch honey, it turns into mead, And stealing from insects is the worst sort of greed Oh can you imagine a man with DTs Pursued by a swarm of mad, pink bumblebees? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 1] – We never use lotion when we shave our chins Cause osmosis lets all the alcohol in Can you imagine what people will say When you’re under the basin, osmosed for the day? Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 2] – We never eat chocolate because it has nuts And the least little bite turns a girl to a slut Oh can you imagine a sorrier mess Than a girl eating chocolate and trying to undress? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 2] – We never eat peaches because they ferment And a peach will ferment with the least little dent Oh can you imagine a sorrier sight Than a man eating peaches until he gets tight? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 2] – We don’t drink Coke or Pepsi, they’re made from cocaine, And you might as well shoot it right into your vein. Oh, can you imagine a sorrier bind Than rotting your teeth while blowing your mind. Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 3] – We never drink tea, cause it comes from a pot, And that could be evil as likely as not, We don’t mind the taste, but it’s really bad news, To get busted for holding what Tom Lipton brews. Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 3] – We don’t step on grapes because that’s making wine, And one single stomp turns a man to a swine. Can you imagine a fouler defeat, Than a man getting stonkered by licking his feet? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 3] – We shun girls who are witty and pretty and kind There’s nothing like love for corrupting your mind. At least in -our- circle it just isn’t done Our kids are adopted; we -never- have fun. Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 4] – We don’t allow backrubs, we think they’re a crime We will always condemn them in song or in rhyme An alcohol backrub is worse than straight gin: When you think of the liquor absorbed thru your skin! Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 4] – We don’t watch television because its a sin To exhibit the body of a nude Rin-Tin-Tin And all those bad cowboys a-shooting their guns! And a-shooting again when they show the re-runs! Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 4] – We never touch coffee, it makes our eyes gleam At least, when they add irish whiskey and cream Oh, can you imagine a fate so unkind Than slugging down coffee, and getting stone-blind? Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 5] – Since eggnog is evil, we never eat eggs Give way to one sin and who knows what comes neggst? There might be excuses for brandy or gin But who wants DTs on account of some hen? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 5] – We never drink water, they mix it with gin Just one little sip and a man starts to grin Oh, can you imagine a sillier clunk Than a man swigging water until he’s geshtunk? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 5] – We never use mouthwash, we know very well That those who taste alcohol go straight to Hell Oh, can you imagine a sorrier scene Than a man down in Hell ’cause he used Listerine? Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 6] – We never eat choc’late, ’cause its just like sex The endorphins will make you a moral wreck You’ll finish the bag-full, all covered with sweat…. And then you just -gotta- have a cigarette! Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 6] – We never drink tea, for they mix it with wine And one little drink turns a man to a swine Oh can you imagine a sorrier sight Than a man drinking tea, and singing all night? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 6] – We never sing folk songs, they’re evil and crude They celebrate Sin, and their language is lewd The language is shocking, the politics vile And their grammar and rhetoric ain’t got no style! Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 7] – When you meet a folk singer, you haven’t much choice But to sit there and listen while they prove they’ve no voice And the shockingest thing to imagine by far Is a girl with a G-string….upon her guitar! Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 7] – We don’t listen to Rock, ’cause it’s Satan’s own vice And the people who sing it are not very nice Oh can you imagine, it fills us with dread Me and the Bon Jovi all sharing a bed! Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 7] – So drinking and eating and loving you see, Are bound to destroy Spi-ri-tu-al-i-ty. Our tastes are austere and our virtue is sure. We don’t have much fun, but our honor is pure. Away, away with rum, by gum…..

-[VERSE 8] – We never eat apples ’cause they are the food That Eve gave to Adam to make him feel nude. Now can you imagine a sorrier clod Than a man wearing fig leaves and hiding from God? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 8] – We never eat cookies because they have yeast, And one little crumb makes a man like a beast. Now can you imagine a greater disgrace Than a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 8] – We never drink beer because it has hops, And one little glass gives a man the trots, Now can you imagine a sorrier sight Than a man drinking beer and trotting all night? Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 9] – We never eat oatmeal because it’s just mush, One little spoonful turns a kid to a lush, Now can you imagine the pain of a ma Than to see little Junior act just like his pa? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 9] – We never drink milkshakes, ’cause milkshakes have malt. And one little sip brings your mind to a halt. Now can you imagine a horror more rash Than a man in the drunktank with a chocolate mustache? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 9] – We never drink vodka, we never drink gin, For vodka is Russian, and gin is a sin. We think that we all would be better off dead Than to sit and drink vodka until we turn Red. Away, away with rum, by gum…..

– [VERSE 10] in the Bistro they can hear all our hoots. And we in the Plaza Club say it is fine. Can you imagine Cahoots without any wine? Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 10] – We’re called On the Rocks, that’s the name of this band. And perhaps there is just one thing you don’t understand. With Bill on guitar, and Robert on place. The Purple Gang then will round out the place Away, away with rum, by gum….. [VERSE 10] – We have lots of fun, and sing lots of songs And make this a place were all can belong But Jesse and Adam make this bar a home And together we sing, never alone. Away, away with rum, by gum…..

–

–
[VERSE TO END] – We’re now at the end of our Brave little song
The Salvation Army must surely be wrong
For me, it’s my scotch. For you, it’s your wine.
All things in mod’ration we’ll surely be fine.
Away, away with rum, by gum…..